Through the Eyes of LadyFabulous
by Frankie Loves Glitter
Summary: Since the Glee club was founded, many people have stood up to perform and, in the process, subjected themselves to the ever-snarky, razor sharp eyes of Kurt Hummel. See his take on the performances from seasons one and two.
1. Yeah, She's a Triflin' Friend Indeed

**A/N: Woohoo, I finally completed my first fanfic! This is a just a humble attempt at trying to gauge the thoughts of Kurt as he watches certain people perform in the glee club, as he has THE BEST reactions to every song. Next I will tackle April Rhodes in "Maybe this time". Please review, I would love to get some feedback on how I can improve or how you found my take on Kurt.**

"You need to call me before you dress yourself", I say, my eyes running down Mercedes' hideous outfit.

Maybe it's a little bit early on this friendship to be so pushy, but seriously, what is this girl wearing? I have known Mercedes Jones for a few weeks now and although she doesn't quite have my refined eye for clothing, she usually manages to put together a fairly satisfactory ensemble. I think she tries to emulate "Loud Sassy Diva" and I usually have no objection to this. However sometimes in fashion lines have to be drawn and I draw the line at animal prints. Especially when they are multi-coloured.

"You're a hater, that's what you are", states Mercedes, holding her ground against the huge bitchy fashion force that is Kurt Hummel.

"Why yes Mercedes, yes I am".

Suddenly in bursts Mr. Shue holding a small pile of white sheets. I drop the conversation and turn my head, now glad I don't have to worry about convincing this deluded girl that she has made a huge fashion faux pa.

"How about a little Kayne?"

"Sa-weeet!" I say in my soprano sing-song voice. Not that I particularly like Kayne West. I just hate disco. Such a tacky time period.

"For the assembly?" Mercedes asks excitedly.

"No, we won't be ready in time, we are still doing disco", says Mr Shue, "But we can fold this into our repertoire and it will be awesome at Regionals." He hands out the sheets of music to us, seemingly ignoring our disappointed faces.

"Communication is the key to any successful music group. And if we are going to succeed, we need to communicate", he continues, "You said you wanted modern music, I listened".

"Mr Shue, we'd really like to not do disco at that assembly", Artie interjects almost pleadingly.

"Finn, you're gonna take the solo", states Mr Shue, not even bothering to turn his head. So much for communication.

"What? N-no, I can't take the solo, I'm still learning how to walk and sing at the same time". I snigger quietly to Mercedes. She wasn't wrong in calling Finn "white boy". Even I know he has absolutely not fly and I'm not even sure what fly actually means.

Mr Shue looks up from the piano. "No problem", he says cockily, removing his leather jacket, "I'll walk you through it". We all exclaim as he steps forward. I know he has been itching to perform ever since he founded this Glee club. He's such a spotlight hog. "You got this Mercedes?"

"Oh, I got this", Merecedes repiles confidently. Yeah, sure you do Mercedes. You have barely looked at this piece, don't expect to be all Beyonce without even so much as a practise run. I roll my eyes and check my own sheet of paper as she subtly clears her throat.

"_She take my mo-nee-YAA-hey-eeeyy". _I look up in shock. Did she really just belt that out like that?

"_Well I'm in neeee-ee-eed". _I think she did.

"_Yeeeeeeah, she's a trifl-e-in frieeend indeed". _My eyes flicker up and down Merecedes as she continues her Diva moment. How could someone wearing that outfit have such a jaw dropping voice.

"_OOOh, she's a gold digger, WAAYYY over tii-aiimme". _Wow, she is scary good. I think I might have wet myself a little.

"_That digs on me" _

**Hope you enjoyed it! I just want to point out, if I was standing next to Mercedes while she was singing, my whole bladder would burst.**


	2. Not a Loser Anymore

**A/N: Thank you very much to the people who added this story to favourites and alerts and special thanks to Christy3K for the review. I hope you are all satisfied with this chapter; the next one will be Mr Shuester's "Bust a Move" which should be a lot of fun mostly because I get to make fun of Will tehehe. Again, reviews are VERY much appreciated so don't be afraid to give me a review even if you hated it, the feedback is very useful to me. Also if you want to put in a request for a song/person for me to write, feel free to do so. Enjoy!**

"Mr Shuester this seems like a terrible idea."

"April is a great singer AND she never graduated" explains Mr Shue, trying (and failing) to convince us all that is was anything but a terrible idea. I look at the small woman standing next to Mr Shuester, my sharp eyes looking for clues as to her lack of education. She seems to be rather well kept, her blonde hair curled neatly around her made-up face and a fairly stylish dress and coat combination on her slim body. I would almost say that she looked classy if I hadn't had just seen her wink at Noah Puckerman. And the fact that she reeks of alcohol even with the attempts to cover it up with cheap perfume.

"We appreciate what you are trying to do but she's no Rachel" says Mercedes. She's got that right. I doubt this woman can match Rachel's vocal prowess. She looks like she can barely even stand up straight.

"Who's Rachel?" April askes.

"She's kinda our star" stutters Tina.

"Star huh? Well where is she now?" April says challengingly.

"She left to be the lead in Cabaret" I say, forgetting to mask the bitter tone in my voice. The sad thing was that even though I resented Rachel for leaving (and for being irritating in general), I would probably still go see her perform in Cabaret. I'm a sucker for musical theatre, especially sexually charged musical theatre. Cabaret is my guilty pleasure.

April snorts abrasively and begins to take off her jacket "Hey Tinkles, give me "Maybe This Time" in B flat. And don't let me catch you snoozin' " she says, slapping her little white jacket across Mr Shue's chest.

As the soft bass notes from the piano begin to play, I look over at Artie, trying to share a knowing look but my gaze is met with a blank stare. Really Artie? You don't know cabaret? Shock and Horror.

"_Maybe this time, I'll be lucky"  
_"_Maybe this time he'll stay"_

Despite looking rather nervous, she sings the opening lines rather well. I'm impressed. After a quick glance over at Mr. Shue, who is giving her a look of diabetes-inducing admiration, she continues.

"_Maybe this time, for the first time"  
_"_Love won't hurry away"_

Kudos to whoever flipped on the spotlight. April seems much more at home in the searing stage light.

"_He will hold me fast"  
_"_I'll be home at last"  
_"_Not a loser anymore"  
_"_Like the last time"  
_"_And the time before "_

Oh my goodness, I think just she gave me shivers. This is incredible. She's almost as good as Liza herself.

"_Everybody loves a winner"  
_"_So nobody loved me_" She sings these lines with a surprising amount of sorrow and conviction.  
"_Lady Peaceful, Lady Happy"  
_"_That's what I long to be"  
_"_All the odds are, they're in my favour" _The look in her eyes is intense as the music builds and the chills run more rampant down my spine.  
"_Something's bound to begin"  
_"_It's gonna happen" _She laughs aggressively, just to make sure we know it's gonna happen.  
"_Happen sometime"  
_"_Maybe this time I'll win" _I think you will my dear. This performance is amazing.

"_Everybody, they love a winner"  
_"_So nobody loved me"_ She throws her head back, bathing in the glory that is her voice.  
"_Lady Peaceful, Lady Happy"  
_"_That's what I long to be"  
_"_All the odds are, they're in my favour" _Surprisingly, her jarring movements seem to only further enhance her performance. I'm spellbound by her.  
"_Something's bound to begin"  
_"_It's gonna happen". _Holy Gaga. I can feel goose bumps in places where there shouldn't be goose bumps.  
"_Happen sometime"  
_"_Maybe this time"  
_"_Maybe this time III'llll" _Wow. Wow. Wow.  
"_Wiiiiiiiinnnn" _If she hits the high C I will really lose it.  
"_WIIIIIIIIIIIN-ah!" _Oh gosh, here come the waterworks.

The light fades and April stands with arms still raised, the look on her face showing that even she was surprised by that performance. We all stare at her, mouths agape in shock, as if we had all been inhaling the same solvents she was on and the whole thing had just been a hallucination.

She fiddles awkwardly with the strap of her dress before she says, ever so eloquently, "Stick that in your pipe and smoke it". Mr Shue looks at us all smugly as I hurriedly wipe away tears with my pocket square. I don't think I need to see the William McKinnley High Production of Cabaret anymore. April Rhodes has just topped Rachel Berry as the new star of McKinnley with one performance.

This new addition might not be such a terrible idea after all.

**A/N: Just thought I should mention, I have never seen Cabaret so if you were offended by my ignorance regarding it, I apologise. **


	3. What Comes Next, Hey Bust a Move!

**A/N Despite my previous expectations that this chapter would be a breeze, it took me ages, but I'm finally done! Special thanks to white as midnight, Princess of Monaco, Lunar Maelstrom, Jheyna Aj Jax (twice :D extra cookies for you) and Googlega for the reviews. They are always very much appreciated. The window is still open for requests so don't be shy to suggest something :) I hope you enjoy this chapter and that I have still managed to capture the greatness that is Kurt.**

"The slushie war has commenced" I say gravely to Mercedes, watching Quinn wipe the remains of ice and syrup off Finn's face. It had been a close call for us (and Mercedes' weave) in the corridor just before but unfortunately, poor Finn wasn't so lucky.

"And if Finn and Quinn got nailed none of us are safe", says Mercedes with an equal amount of seriousness. I have to agree with her there. My mind is too focussed on how to avoid the cold humiliation of a slushie to the face when Mr Shuester enters the choir room that I don't really bother to listen to him as he runs us through the lesson plan for the week. And I am also distracted by the messy tousled locks of one Finn Hudson as his bitch-of-a-girlfriend wipes him down.

"Okay guys..." I think I need to start wearing a raincoat to school.

"...behind for sectionals..." I wonder if I could pull off plastic?

"...Sylvester detour. But you guys..." Of course I can, I'm Kurt Hummel. I am fashion.

"...mash-ups..." Ah Finn, no-one sports flavoured ice quite like you.

"...fired up..." I could totally wipe you down anytime.

"...important lesson to be learned..." Oh Quinn, why did you have to ball and chain him up to you?

"...so different that they don't feel like..." Girl if you weren't knocked up, he'd be mine.

"...but the big difference between them..." Who am I kidding? Still a boy can dream.

...chocolate and bacon." Wait, what?

"Or glee club and football", says Finn. Okay, listening time now, staring time for later.

"Exactly. But you've proven that it is a great combination. So here is my personal favourite song", says Mr Shuester with a slight laugh, handing out sheets of music, "and your homework is to find an unexpected mash-up to go with it." I look down at the sheet in front of me. Oh good lord.

"Bust a Move?" I say with distain. I thought the worst he was going to give us was Elton John. But this? There are no words.

"Yeah, this song is old school", laughs Mercedes.

"Alright urm...Artie? Try to follow along on the bass," says Mr. Shuester, wheeling Artie over to the drums, "Finn, take us through it."

"I'm sorry Mr Shuester, I've got corn syrup in my eye" says Finn.

"O-kay err...Puck, how 'bout it?"

"I don't really groove on Young MC", Puck answers. I guess he isn't a fan of Bust a Move either.

"I am shocked at the lack of leading man ambition in this room right now." Rachel declares unnecessarily. Well Princess, he didn't even bother to ask me. Not that I would say yes but still, no need for your sexism.

"It's okay Rachel. I guess I'm going to have to show these guys how it's done" says Mr Shuester. Oh no, not again.

The whole clubs exclaims as he starts to remove his jacket. I'm not sure if I can handle this. He's a teacher. Teachers shouldn't rap; it's not a novelty it's a travesty.

"_Bust it!"_

Artie starts to play the bass, surprisingly well considering I've never seen him play it before and then the guitar, keyboard and drums come in too. And then it begins. The rapping.

"_This here's a tale for all the fellas"  
"Try to do what those ladies tell us  
"Get shot down cause you're over zealous_ _  
"Play hard to get an females get jealous_ Okay, I admit, I like the dancing but there is no way I'm getting up off this step for this song._  
"Ok smartie, go to a party"  
"Girls are scantily clad and showin' body"  
"A chick walks by you wish you could sex her"  
_"_But you're standin' on the wall like you was Poindexter" _Mr Shue, your pseudo-flirting is disturbing._  
"New movie's showin' so you're goin'"  
"Couldn't care less about the five you're blowin'"  
"Theatre gets dark just to start the show" _I'm not sure if Artie really appreciates you whirling him in a circle,he's trying to play the song._  
"When you spot a fine woman sittin' in the front row"  
_"_She's dressed in yellow, she says "Hello""  
"Come sit next to me you fine fellow"  
"You run over there without a second to loose" _Rachel, your giggling is anything but adorable._  
"And what comes next, hey bust a move"_ Oh knee slide. How cliché.

"_You want it, you got it"_

_"You want it, baaaby you got" _

"_Just bust a move!"_ Everyone gets off their seats to join in the dancing.

"_You want it, you got it, uh"_

"_You want it baaaaby you got it" _Except me of course, I have more pride than that.

"_Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry"  
"In five days from now he's gonna marry" _Why hello Tina, nice of you to join me. _  
"He's hopin' you can make it there if you can"  
"Cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man"  
"You say "neato", check your libido"  
"And roll to the church in your new tuxedo" _I start up my patented Hummel head bob. Just for Tina._  
"The bride walks down just to start the wedding"  
"And there's one more girl you won't be getting" _Oh no, he's heading over my way. He better not try get me to dance._  
"So you start thinkin', then you start blinkin'" _Ah, get your hands off me!_  
"A bridesmaid looks and thinks that you're winkin'" _This is just plain embarrassing. _  
"She thinks you're kinda cute so she winks back _" Oh, how crude._  
"And now you're feelin' really fine cus the girl is stacked"_ Oh my gosh, too far Mr Shue, too far. I'm out of here._  
"Reception's jumpin', bass is pumpin'"_ I can't believe he just manhandled me like that._  
"Look at the girl and your heart starts thumpin"_ And he completely disregarded my sexuality. I like boys Mr Shue, boys_._ Not girls. _  
"Says she wants to dance to a different groove"  
"Now you know what to do gee, bust a move" _Especially not "stacked' ones.

"_You want it, you got it"_

"_You want it, baaaby you got"_

"_Just bust a move!" _Despite Mr Shue's complete ignorance of boundaries they look like they are having fun.

"_You want it, you got it"_

"_You want it, baaaby you got" _

"_Move it boy!"_ Oh Heck, I might as well join them; my dignity is out the window now anyway.

"_Aaah-ah, Aaah-ah, Aaah-ah, yeah" _Get ready for some tambourine action.

"_Aah, Aah, yeah, ah" _This is actually quite enjoyable once you get into it

"_Aah-ah, yeah, Aah-ah, yeah" _Back Britney, I am armed with percussion.

"_Aah-ah, Aah-ah, hey, yeah" _Oh great, first Mr Shue, now it's you with the flirting_._

"_Just bust a move!" _Well, two can play at that game, missy.

"_Yeah" _TAKE THE TAMBOURINE!

I have just realised that if I want Mr Shuester to finally figure out I'm actually gay, I should probably stop spanking girls with musical instruments.

**A/N You could probably see where I was tempted to put in an AVPM reference but luckily I didn't. Also, I actually like Elton John and Bust a Move, which just shows how much more lamer than Kurt I am. Please review!**


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